There are many game that try to convey a message, tell a story, or define a generation. All of those games pale in comparison to GAME OF THE YEAR: 420BLAZEIT. A masterpiece of game design, storytelling, and gameplay, 420BLAZEIT is easily the very best release in the history of gaming. Tasked with finally ending the tyranny of the Illuminati, you must single handedly destroy them and their stronghold in a daring spectacle of flawless gun play while facing impeccable enemy intelligence. Your foes are so numerous that the game rewards you for each kill with a 4th of July caliber celebration. Chain together enough kills and you’ll generate enough light to make the very sun envious of your skills.
Critical to your survival are Mountain Dew and Doritos. These nutritious snacks serve not only as a delicious treat, but as the very fuel behind your quest. Why, without them, you’d last nary a second in Shrek’s Swamp, facing the big Ogre himself as he seeks to protect his land. This ultimate clash titans will be no easy task. Remember, Ogres are like onions, they have many layers, layers of brilliant boss design. This is truly the greatest of all battles in video games, and will be the fight all future fights will be judged against. If, and that’s a big if, but if you survive, the tear jerker ending will eat at your very soul before crushing you behind the last minute plot twist that is literally impossible to see coming. Your grandchildren will be telling their grandchildren about this ending and this instant golden oldie of a game.
If you can take your focus off the gripping narrative for even a second, you’ll find the pinnacle of gameplay. Though treading on already well tread ground, this first person shooter BLAZES a new path to absolute greatness. All your favorite controls are there! Left click to fire, right click to zoom, space to jump, you can even use items. If you think that is unbelievable, the act of actually firing can be likened to losing your virginity. This orgasmic experience can occur with each pull of the trigger, even after multiple playthroughs (though not more than three in a row, only after taking a week off).
Being on the glorious PC master race, the game is jaw dropping. Nearly everything has physics and there are so many graphics, just graphics everywhere. Plebeian consoleites will have to get their vision checked after this one because they won’t know which is the real world or the ugly gray blob. You’d better make sure to upgrade your rig for this one, the minimum requirements should be about 42 quad core i7’s (eight cores recommended) clocked at 420Ghz, 420 gigs of ram, and at least 42 SLI GTX Titan Z’s. Oh and you better have a bitchin’ sound card because the effects are out of this world. Inspirational words from many of today’s best and brightest will motivate you as explosions fill your eardrums with unadulterated bliss.
GAME OF THE YEAR: 420BLAZEIT is the single greatest work of art not just in this medium, but of any. It’s powerful message will be heard for centuries to come and will surely lead to the end of days for the Illuminati. In fact, there is speculation that the game is based on actual events, but whether true or not, I know that I am a much better person having played this game, and that’s what really matters. Game of the year? More like game of my life and the lives of any future children and then onto theirs. In fact, if you needed this review to play this game, you are obviously a member of the Illuminati, and I’m watching you. You can download this game for free (There is a god and he is a merciful one), right now, unless you aren’t an Illuminati, then you’d already have it.